Educational Vengeance
by ContraryIzybel
Summary: Even in Sunnydale waking up with breast that weren't there the night before qualifies as weird. Very, very weird.  Contains magically induced gender bending and eventually slash of the Spike/Xander variety
1. Chapter 1

Educational Vengeance

Chapter One

If anyone had asked what did when he first discovered he'd been turned into a woman Xander would have lied. He would have told them that he panicked, or that he freaked out, or anything. He would not ever tell them that he spent the first ten minutes of womanhood fondling his own breasts.

After the novelty wore off, and after making sure he had been completely transformed, Xander did freak out. He had paced his hallway, tugging at the brown mane that trailed down his back. That had actually shocked him most. Whatever it was that effected him had changed him not only from a man to a woman but also changed him into a smaller woman. Shorter, thinner, with longer hair. Once he calmed long enough to stare himself down in the mirror he realized his face hadn't changed that much. If his hair hadn't been long enough to distract from his masculine features it would have been easy to guess who he had once been.

But why the hell did having longer hair freak him out more than having lost a very important part of his anatomy?

Eventually he calmed enough to throw a large shirt and boxers on, couldn't go a get distracted by his new physical features, and make some breakfast. Cereal. No fuss, no panic, no freaking out.

Xander sat his head against the table and groaned. No, he was totally freaking out.

First he had to figure out what had happened. Even in Sunnydale turning into a woman was considered weird. And a lot of weird things had happened to him in his relatively short life. Multiple possessions, the occasional apocalypse, and even dates with demons. Actually he had a lot of that last one, so it wasn't really weird for him anymore. At least he wasn't as bad as Buffy. Sometimes he forgot the Slayer was meant to kill vampires instead of date them.

Wow, did he always lose focus that fast?

Remembering why he was a woman. Check. He tried to recall everything he'd done in the last twenty four hours but there was nothing that could explain why he had woken with a new set of breasts.

"I wish I could just remember…" Xander felt the blood drain from his face. All of the night before came rushing back in perfect clarity. He had made a wish. A drunk, stupid wish. A very, very, can't-remember-my-name-let-alone-what-words-to-avoid drunk wish.

"You'd think after dating a Vengeance Demon you would have learned against using the w-word."

Another thing he would lie about when telling the story of his transformation was the high pitched squeal he made when the seat next to him was suddenly occupied by Anya. She was dolled up like someone with a date, or someone who wanted him to think she had a date. And Xander hated to admit that he could feel the heat of jealousy in his belly.

"What the hell did I wish for, Anya?" Her sudden appearance meant she had probably taken up with her old job. Not many humans could disappear and reappear without a sound, perhaps with the exception of Oz. His werewolf friend was way too quiet.

'Damnit Xander, focus!' He thought angrily.

His attention returned to his former girlfriend who seemed to sense he had distracted himself with mental tangents. Seeing her smile, one he had been missing quite a bit, only caused more irritation. Xander could have sworn after their long talk they had left as friends but apparently not. "I thought we were good."

She kept smiling, the same bright smile that made his heart clench. Oh, she wasn't playing fair. "This isn't vengeance. This is education. And the wish was about how girls seem to have life easier and wanting to know what that's like."

"How drunk was I?"

Anya's wicked grin informed him that he didn't want to know. He must have been very drunk.

She must have been feeling sympathy for her former lover because she didn't laugh at him. In fact after she finished grinning she touched his cheek gently. "It won't be forever. I thought about doing the whole 'until true love's kiss' thing but figured that be a bit much."

Xander actually laughed. "Just a little. So what do I need to do to get rid of the girls?"

"You'll turn back into your true form when someone figures out who you are and refers to you by your proper name. But you can't just tell someone that you're Xander. That'd be cheating and wouldn't work." Her bright smile melted into a thoughtful look. "I've got you covered for your job but I can't say anything to Willow and them. Again, cheating."

The new woman dropped his head onto the table. "Not making this easy for me, honey."

"You'll adjust in no time." Anya said.


	2. Chapter 2

**At the moment I may be able to manage a chapter per week, but that is subject to change depending on how busy real life gets. Otherwise normal warnings apply and comments, as always, are welcome. Happy readings.**

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><p>Chapter Two<p>

Anya would have made the best evil sorceress. Or maybe the worst fairy godmother. She had insisted that it would be part of his educational experience if he changed up his appearance and in the end he'd have to get new clothes anyways since his no longer fit. While originally Anya had dragged in through stores which would have been more comfortable to Faith eventually she calmed down and let him by jeans and tank tops. Nothing too outrageous.

Well, almost nothing too outrageous. There had been a long debate during their lunch break over heels and makeup. It had the potential to be a full fight but Anya had improved her arguing over the course of their relationship.

She had cheated, taking his hand and sighing so sweetly he couldn't get mad. "This is a chance to see how women are treated. To see the world of women as humans keep calling it. Your society says it's womanly to wear makeup and dresses and heels so why not try it?"

Damn her logic.

So yes, he allowed her to pick out some heels for him. Okay, two pairs of heels. A modest black pair and a bright pink pair. Very outrageous. Add to that the jewelry, a few dresses, and assorted polishes and creams and Xander's latest paycheck was gone.

"Don't be all pouty. What's the point of being a woman if you can't play the part?" Anya asked as she helped carry the bags up to Xander's apartment. "We can go shopping and decorate your apartment and get some stuff for cooking and…"

Xander cut her off with a laugh. "If I didn't know better I'd think you'd rather I had been your girlfriend than boyfriend."

Her thoughtful expression did nothing to reassure him. "Puh-lease. I know you like cooking. You like food too much not to like making it. And besides, it's not a matter of being a new person. It's about being open with the hobbies you weren't open about before."

"When did you get so smart?" Xander was only half teasing. It was kind of creepy how well she knew him.

"Wouldn't you like to know." With the bags dropped off Anya planted a kiss on Xander's cheek. "I'm sure you'll have a very enlightening experience."

And with that she was gone, vanished in thin air.

And of course she'd left all the unpacking to Xander.

And so he unpacked with the TV on for noise. Normally he'd be at a meeting by now, surrounded by the voices of his girls. Maybe that was the hyena talking, always thinking of them as a pack. Sure, that possession had been brief but it had certainly left an imprint. And that imprint was wondering just why he wasn't with his pack.

"They can survive without me." Xander told the empty apartment. Of course they could. Buffy the slayer, destroyer of demons and vampires. She'd be fine even if she had been thrown into a pit of lions. Willow had her witch thing and developing relationship with Tara thing, which he would not be a part of because his spectacular breakup with Anya left him with no room to give advice when it came to romance. Plus they had Spike, big bad on a big leash. The vampire would probably protect Willow and Tara, they made him enough cookies anymore that he would probably protect them without being asked to.

Yeah, his pack could survive without doughnut boy Xander Harris. Unless they had a snack attack.

"Damn, just made myself depressed." He said to no one. Yeah, he'd probably end up talking to himself a lot during this little experience. Not that the gang ever listened to him when he spoke. But just being there with his girls, and Giles, and sometimes even Spike, was enough to keep him going. A family to replace the one he'd never really had.

Damn, he was really going to miss them.

But that thought was squashed away for later. He had bags, and bags, and more bags to unpack. Jeans and a few longer skirts and a pair of black shorts which Anya had forced him to buy. Far too short for decent company, those would have to be for cleaning around the house. And then shirts, tank tops in all kinds of colors, and business shirts which had also been Anya's idea. The girl had a weird idea about what would make Xander look good. Heels and flats and running shoes and some socks because his feet had gotten just a little smaller. Kind of like his hands. And somewhere between his team scoring and his team being defeated brutally Xander finished his unpacking and declared the day a success.

It wasn't until an hour later, with his new clothes in his closet and his first attempt at painting his nails underway (at Anya's suggestion) that Xander realized how surreal his life was. Less than twenty four hours and he had already accepted that his manly bits would be gone for a while. Shouldn't he be freaking out? Shouldn't he had thrown Anya against a wall until she saw the error of her ways and fix him? But so many years in Sunnydale with so many strange things having happened to him and being a woman didn't seem like a big deal.

Plus, when he got bored he could touch his own breasts which never seemed to get dull.

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><p>When he had first moved into his apartment there had been a long scar tracing the inside of his closet door. It was like someone had taken a knife and cut down the door. It had been Willow who gave him the full length mirror when he complained about it. A full length mirror he almost never looked in.<p>

But with his shower finished Xander found himself entranced by the reflection staring at him. Making sure his blinds were closed Xander took a deep breath and dropped his striped towel.

He wasn't unattractive. His hips were a little wide, probably better than they should have been after years of Twinkies. And his waist wasn't as small as Willow's or Anya's. But the slight pudge of his belly looked nice with his breasts which he had recently learned were DD. Holding on in his hand he realized how little that meant when a girl was proportionally sized. He was tall enough and wide enough that large breast meant nothing.

Well, besides bragging rights. Years with his girls had taught him that larger breasts were worth bragging about when hanging out with the right kind of girls.

His hands, smaller but still callous from his construction job, moved up to his face and he stepped closer to the mirror. Same brown eyes, same nose, same mouth. Okay, maybe his lips were a little fuller, or maybe this was the first time he ever noticed them. It wasn't like he spent a lot of time admiring himself before.

His hands continued their inspection, from forehead to cheek to ears. Anya had wanted him to pierce them but Xander drew the line at physical mutilation. Besides, he didn't want to have pointless holes when he was a man again. His face heated up at the potential joke and he chuckled at the blush reflecting back at him. Kind of cute.

Down his neck to strong shoulders. Very strong for a girl but they worked well with the rest of his body. Tone arms too. He liked that. Again he found himself staring at his hips and calves which both qualified as curvy. But curvy was nice. Curvy and cuddly and hot damn check out that ass.

Which he did. For about ten minutes.

Finally his own ass stopped amusing him and he dressed in a decent pair of jeans and a top that was either too short to be a dress or too long to be a shirt. A little mousse like Anya showed him for his hair and the not too flashy heels.

"Damn." Xander whistled at himself, understanding the appeal of dressing up. There was something fun about putting a little time into his appearance and being rewarded with the reflection in his mirror. A reflection that was pretty hot.

"Enough checking myself out. I have applications to turn in." And he was off, heels like an armor to protect him on his first day playing a woman.

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><p>Since turning fifteen Xander had only been unemployed for a total of three months. Sometimes it would just be delivering papers or stuffing envelopes, other times it would be full time work that could almost be considered a career, and at the worst of times there was always stripping. But Xander just wasn't the type of person to not have a job. And while he could probably convince Anya to help him keep his job at the construction site without people getting weird on him he decided against it. She had promised he would have his job back once his manly bits returned and in a way the whole thing could count as a vacation.<p>

But Xander was not the type to not have a job.

At first he thought he'd have to take some kind of vaguely illegal, money under the table, don't ask questions kind of job. After all, his records all listed him as Alexander Harris and while he figured there would be jobs that wouldn't care too much about potential transgendered goings on he didn't have the time to find such a job. But yet again Anya was there for him with identification listing him as Alexia Hart, high school graduate and owner of many high recommendations.

After a week of applications and interviews "Alexia" was the proud bartender at one of Sunnydale's newer bars. It paid him more than he deserved, mostly because the owner was smart enough to know that not all his clients were human. And if Xander had to flip a randy demon over his shoulder in the middle of a shift his boss wasn't one to complain.

Xander, or Lexi as he went by at the bar, soon became a hit. His lack of experience was outweighed by the shining personality he adapted at work. Sometimes he became so bubbly and bright he forgot that Lexi was more of a creation of his than an actual person. But he found that he liked being Lexi. He liked being flirted with by his patrons, male, female and even non humans. Just knowing someone found him attractive and funny was enough to get him through his shifts. And the banter. He loved the banter.

But as one week became two and the messages on his machine added up Xander found himself missing his old life more and more. His girls would be fine without him, at least while fighting the big baddies of Sunnydale, but what about when they needed someone to babble to or someone to eat Willow's new recipes or when Giles needed someone to remind him that being stuffy and British did not always get things done or when Spike needed a good tongue lashing?

A week after his transformation he had walked by the Magic Box, smiling wistfully at his family. Something big and bad must have been on the loose based on Buffy's pacing. And as much as he wanted, oh how he wanted, to go in a offer his assistance, he knew he just couldn't.

And hadn't Anya told him the spell would only lift when someone recognized him? But secretly Xander wanted to wait just a little longer. Wait until the messages on his answer machine turned from playful reprimands to concern.

He deserved a little concern.

Didn't he?


	3. Chapter 3

**A rather (very) short chapter this round, but next one is looking to be much longer. Normal ratings still apply and as always comments encourage the author-beast and make her a happy writer. **

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><p>Chapter Three<p>

"Alexia!" Something very solid, but also very plush, ran into him at full force, almost knocking him to the ground. In fact if it wasn't for the bar's convenient existence right next to his hand he probably would have been eating floor. With one hand grasping the bar for support the other wrapped around the plump form of his event manager.

"Tally, more warning before we play bumper cars," he groaned. Tahlia Sokoll was definitely the reason he had been hired as the Gilded Narwhal's newest bartender. As second in command, and the one who named the bar, Tally had been in charge of interviews and she didn't hesitate to let Xander know his application got as far as it did because Tally thought he was cute. And even if it was a little underhanded Xander liked the bar and liked getting paychecks enough to not complain about physical appearance getting him a job.

Though the more he worked with the chubby manager the more he realized it may have been less about his physical appearance and more because he had actually squealed when a man covered in fake blood and spikes came out of the office before his interview. One of his less impressive moments but he had been startled, damn it, and sometimes being startled resulted in cute noises.

With his employer safely in his arm and his own fall stopped by his other arm, Xander allowed the shorter woman to kiss his neck in a pathetic way. She must have wanted something.

"Lexi, my love, it's so dark out." She had her pouty face on. One which reminded him too much of Willow, even if the girls were very different.

"You want me to walk you home?" Xander guessed, grateful when his boss moved enough that he could stand properly. Her bright blush made him suspicious. "You want me to walk you to some sordid affair's house?"

Tally all but purred against Xander's chest. "You know me so well, my love. It's only a few blocks from your apartment and I'll give you tomorrow off."

That actually was tempting. And Xander didn't like Tally wandering the streets on her own. With her new bright pink dye job she was probably a neon sign for any baddies wandering around. Owning one's job, or at least half of it, helped with setting the dress code but bright pink did not make life on the Hellmouth easier. What Xander didn't understand about his boss was she knew all about the nasties that lived in the town and she still wandered around late at night with hair in the same shade as most glow sticks. He had seen her hid behind a bouncer when some demons gave her trouble a few nights before and not an hour later she was running off for a night of fun with what he assumed was distantly related to whatever originated in a hell dimension.

Most of his coworkers were like that. They played with the demons of the town and didn't seem at all scared when they left work at night. Well, he understood why the bouncers were never scared. They were twice the size he'd been as a man and actually got to carry weapons with them during their shifts. But his fellow bartenders didn't seem to know what fear was or why it was important in Sunnydale.

When he noticed that Tally was quick to walk herself home he had started insisting on accompanying her. And eventually that meant whenever any of the staff needed someone to walk with Lexi was the first person they'd ask.

And secretly, very secretly, he enjoyed it. Not being the weakest of his coworkers was kind of nice. Sure, there was a vampire on staff who was stronger than him and the bar's owner could break him with a sneeze, but he wasn't the one people babied when the meaner demons came out to play.

And he loved it.

"Let me get my coat." Xander said. It was actually nice to have someone to walk with. Tally presented him with the mindless chat he had been missing from his friends. Plus for being short, plump and adorable she was a dirty girl and Xander usually found himself laughing more with her than with any of his coworkers.

With a farewell to Scott, the actual owner of the club, the pair set out into the night. One of the best parts of the job was Scott lived in the apartment above the club which meant Xander never had to lock up. But that also meant a lot of nights he'd be pulled away from clean up to escort Tally to wherever she was spending the night. Or whoever needed an escort home.

Two hands took one of his, pulling them to cup his manager's cheek. "Oh darling, what's got you so blue?" Wide eyes looked over Xander for a physical reason that would explain the perceived problem, or maybe Tally just liked raking her eyes over Xander's body.

"I'm not blue. And if I am it's just because it's cold tonight."

"Liar, liar. Are you jealous? If you don't want to be alone tonight Scotty's back at the club. Or I'm sure wherever I'm going has a big old bed." She wiggled her eyebrows in a way that had to be practiced in the mirror and Xander couldn't hold back his laugh.

"Dirty minx." He teased, ruffling her mess of pink hair. "I'm just feeling a little lonely. I miss my friends, but I can't go see them."

The vague answer seemed enough to keep Tally from inviting him into the apartment she had stopped in front of. Almost two weeks and most nights he walked Tally to a different apartment. Someday Xander would have to find out where she really lived.

A chaste kiss on the lips and Tally grinned like the cat who could have caught the canary but preferred putting off the eating of the canary until a later time. "Go visit your friends, you silly head. Can't have a Ms. Grumpy Face distracting me from what is sure to be wild sex."

Another burst of laughter and Xander waved off his boss, pleased to see her make it into the building. And this apartment was a lot closer to his compared to the ones he'd taken her to before. Though once the door closed behind her Xander realized there was a large graveyard between himself and his home. Sure, there were graveyards all over Sunnydale, ridiculous amounts of graveyards, but this one he wouldn't want to tackle with a backpack full of stakes.

"Bugger."

And no, he didn't want to ponder just when Spike had crept into his brain and left little bits of British slang. So, in the relative safety of the steps in front of the apartment building Xander exchanged his heels for running shoes and pulled a stake from his bag. Just because he didn't hang out with the Slayer anymore didn't mean he had to run around unprepared.

But Sunnydale was strangely quiet. Maybe it was the light chill that hung over the city. Maybe it was the fact that with Spike helping Buffy patrol there was a lot smaller chance of escaping with only serious wounds and a bruised ego. Whatever it was, Xander enjoyed it.

Until he ended up in front of one of the biggest, meanest looking demons he'd ever seen. "Hi, ugly. Seeing as I forgot my sword at home maybe we just agree to disagree and go about our business, eh?"

The demon just laughed, the kind of laugh that reminded Xander of thunder, and slapped the bartender away as easily as a fly.

"Good work jinxing yourself." Xander groaned as his vision blurred and his hearing was dominated by the sound of roaring.


	4. Chapter 4

**Posting early due to a busy weekend which will be spent moving and crying over my lack of a real job. Apparently you can't get paid to write fanfiction. More's the shame. Normal ratings, though I am at a crossroads about potential sexy times for Xander which may lead to a change in ratings. As always comments are welcomed and lead to productive writings. At least in theory.**

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><p>Chapter Four<p>

"-okay?"

Standing over him with looks of motherly concern and slight annoyance was Willow and Buffy. For a second he thought it had been a weird, demon smacking him against a tree induced dream. Just another night patrolling with his girls, just another head injury, just a weird dream where he had been turned into a girl and forced to wear high heels. But when he reached to press against the throbbing pain located at the back of his head he felt the make shift ponytail that held his too long hair.

Well crap.

Pulling himself up Xander realized the girls were still waiting for a response. Or at least Willow was. Buffy was looking away from him and towards where the thing that went bump in the night was busy bumping. But she was still there, waiting patiently while Willow helped the stupid girl who'd almost been killed. Just seeing them was enough to make him want to cry but big demons meant crying would have to wait.

"Are you okay?" Willow asked again, helping him to his feet. Xander felt a strange sense of joy at seeing that he was still taller than her. Oh, he missed his Willow so much. The redhead must have misinterpreted his staring and with a start she introduced herself and the slayer to their old friend. "Oh, hi! I'm Willow and this is Buffy."

Glancing over towards the demon, which was being engaged in an intense battle with the blond vampire commonly known as Spike, Xander figured he had time for a quick introduction. Babbling would at least help cover his panic over seeing his friends. "Nice to meet you. Name's Lexi, which is actually just short for Alexia but I hate that name so I invested in a nickname early. I mean, I wanted to do Xia, kind of channel my inner Xena but my dad was like 'You might as well shave your head and move to Lesbianville' and I was just seven at the time so I thought Lesbianville was near Pleasantville where my grandma lived so I figured let's not and say we did which is a shame because Xia's a pretty cool nickname when you think about it but no way can I pull that off now."

The Slayer and witch both raised an eyebrow at the strange girl before them who only seemed to realize something weird was being said halfway through the statement.

"Oh, jeez. Sorry. Babble brain over here." Xander laughed, attention returned to the demon and vampire fight which seemed to be getting nowhere. As much as he liked seeing his girls, as much as their perplexed expressions made his heart clench, he really was exhausted from work and Spike didn't look like he was in any hurry to kill his opponent. "So, could I borrow that axe?"

Perhaps it was the strangeness of the situation which prompted Buffy to hand over her axe. But he knew it wouldn't be long before the confusion gave way to concern so he offered a hurried thank you before moving off the sidewalk and away from the girls.

"Oi, ugly!" He smirked when the demon turned towards him. "Do mirrors break when you walk by or do they just laugh?"

Sure enough the demon decided it would be more fun to kill the mouthy girl than the master vampire. Yet another reason to not have a big mouth and not much to back it up. The massive beast threw Spike aside and ran after Xander who was already in the process of running away. Xander's get away was intercepted by a large tree but with all the training he rarely (more like never) got to use Xander jumped against the tree, redirecting his energy towards the demon following him. The axe imbedded into the monster's largest eye, forcing it to the ground.

He didn't have much time if the angry groans were any indication so Xander pulled the axe from the eye, grimacing at the sound it made. No time, he had work to do. A quick few quick slices and off came the demon's head. The big scary things of Sunnydale may have a hundred different weaknesses but Xander knew beheading worked on almost everyone.

With one last vicious smack of the axe Xander laughed a slightly hyena-ish laugh. He had actually manage to not kill himself with his impressive jumping off a tree. Of course no one knew it was him, but it had still be pretty cool. "Oh wow, that almost never works."

Like any gentleman, or lady, Xander returned the axe to the waiting Slayer. He noticed that Spike had pulled himself together and was watching from the shadows of a crypt, the only sign of his presence being the glow of his cigarette. It was composed and badass and it only served to irritate Xander. But he couldn't call him out on it without revealing himself.

His bright smile turned to the girls who were staring at him in shock. Yeah, that was a look he'd never get to see again.

"Well, this has been fun but I'm exhausted. You ladies have a nice night."

And before they could ask any questions he was off, almost skipping towards his apartment. Oh yes, that had been wonderful. He could protect his girls better when they didn't know who he was and didn't expect him to fall over his own feet. Which he did, plenty. But sometimes, when the girls weren't paying attention mostly, he could manage a kill on his own. Sometimes he could even be impressive. Who was he kidding, it was all dumb luck. But dumb luck seemed to like him so no complaints. Hell, it was actually fun to be the impressive one.

Plus the look on Spike's face when he called the demon out had been hilarious.

He could have, should have, stayed. How could they figure out who he was if they didn't know him? But the urge to pull them into a hug and cry had been overwhelming. Even now, with his happy whistle and skip in his step, he felt unwanted tears fall down his face.

As he unlocked his apartment door he was too busy with his internal struggle to notice a dark figure watching with a thoughtful expression.

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><p>He only managed to last another day before going to the Magic Box. Since he didn't work, thanks to Tally and her schedule based manipulations, he figured he'd be able to withstand waking early. His job had lead to a lot of sleeping in, which he certainly enjoyed, but was awful for interacting with normal day job having people.<p>

Though before he would have just thrown on jeans and a shirt, any shirt that smelt clean, this time Xander agonized over his clothes. He started with a long jean skirt, tank top and sandals before switching the skirt for green pants that went well with the tank top. But that was too casual. Maybe one of the dresses Anya forced him to wear? Too fancy.

"Why do I even care?" He asked his reflection which failed to give him an answer. He finally decided that his time as a woman had become almost a game for him. Dressing up gave him a chance to be someone he could never be when he was male. And for the first time seeing the gang, even if they didn't know it was him, he'd want to look good. He wanted to impress them.

Or he was just being egotistical.

So finally he settled on the green pants and a black dress. Casual and dressy. Add a nice short sleeve jacket, a necklace and a little makeup and he was ready to be the most not-trying-hard person they'd ever seen. He even put his hair up in a high ponytail, with two braided pieces framing his face.

Yeah, he really did want to look good for them.

As he walked to the Magic Box Xander decided that his attempts to look good weren't just for the girls. He felt better when he put more time into his appearance. His missing muscles were replaced with a well put together outfit and combed hair.

"Maybe I should stop teasing the girls when I get back to normal." He sighed to himself as he opened the door to the shop. As a rush of cool air hit his face Xander felt the need to run. It was too soon. They'd see through him in a second. They would laugh. They would prove they hadn't needed him.

But the door closed behind him and it was too late.

"Lexi!" Anya called from the counter, her eyes trying to use some kind of code that Xander did not get in the slightest. "What brings you here?"

His casual act flew out the window when he noticed Anya was the only one in the shop. "Bored. Lonely. Really, really lonely." His forehead slammed against the counter, knees buckling and forcing him to drop to the ground.

A hand began petting through his hair, careful not to mess up the braids or ponytail. "Oh, Lexi. I thought you had that job at the bar? Aren't you making friends?"

He offered a humorless laugh. "Tons. Pretty sure my boss wants to sleep with me. Both of them, maybe. And I'm so desperate for some kind of human contact that I just might let them. Can I have my junk back?"

"I told you the rules. Besides, you're doing great! Look how pretty you are!" She actually seemed pleased that he had managed to dress himself without looking like a hurricane of clothes had attacked him.

He muttered something against the wood of the desk.

"Once more?" She asked.

"I'll even go back to being errand boy. I miss the gang." Xander tried his hardest not to look pathetic but as soon as he finished his statement he realized he wouldn't get away without a serious blow to his ego.

Anya's mouth opened but before she could either yell at or comfort him she was interrupted by the sounds of people making their way to the front of the store. Xander pressed his head back against the wood for a moment, reclaiming every tiny bit of calm he could before bouncing to his feet and grinning.

"C'mon, not even a little tiny 'stop trying to get into my pants' spell?" He said, enjoying the annoyed expression on his ex-girlfriend's face. "You promised you'd help and it's either a spell or an axe murder but I didn't see any serial killers on your shelves."

The small group of Buffy, Willow and Giles all stopped their chatter when they noticed the shop had a customer. How rare. Both the girls' faces brightened with recognition but Buffy's was quick to darken. Xander couldn't help the feeling of warmth, enjoying her irritation as a sibling would. He had really missed them.

Not that he could say anything about it.

"Oh! Mysterious Axe-Girl!" Willow said. She all but hopped over to the counter, a bright smile overtaking her face. "What a weird coincidence! We've been talking about you."

Xander grinned despite himself. "Is that why my ears have been burning all day?"

Buffy didn't share the joke but Xander was pleased to hear Giles attempting to hide a chuckle behind a cough and Willow's smile got even bigger.

"Yeah, sorry about last night. I should have made sure you got home safely. That late after work and my brain just turns off." He's attempts at casual were getting shaky but no one seemed to notice. Except maybe Anya but she had turned her attention to her stock list and didn't seem remotely interested in anything they were talking about.

The Slayer must have been tired of waiting. "So how did you get so good at killing demons?"

Unconsciously Xander began fiddling with the end of his pony tail. He realized then that if he hair had been longer as a man he would have played with it all the time. Weirdly comforting. "Oh you know, practice makes perfect and all that."

"I mean, how do you even know about demons? Who are you?" Buffy's tone had taken a defensive tone and he knew from experience that she would soon get angry.

"I…I knew this vampire. European, I think. Great guy. He almost got killed and I saved him, you know, not knowing what he was and he was grateful so he taught me about demons and vampires and self defense." The lie fell easily from his lips and somewhere in the back of his mind Xander made note to worry about that later. But as he babbled the mental image of a smirking blond filled his mind and his face flushed in half a second. "Having a crush keeps you coming back for more when self defense lessons end with him shirtless."

Buffy's face scrunched up, probably at the idea of someone being attracted to a vampire which instantly raised Xander's "hypocrite alert." But Willow seemed unbothered by the idea of a sexy vampire teaching self defense and Anya was at least nice enough to hide her laughter behind her hand.

"It's over now, I mean it never began, and with my parents being giant jerks and me having no friends I decided for a complete change of pace and somehow I'm brilliant enough to end up on the Hellmouth. So good for me." He finished with his favorite self deprecating smile, wondering if the girls would notice. It had been his most common expression.

But Willow was off on a tangent about being more careful, especially as mating season had begun for a lot of the more vicious demons wandering around. And the sound of her babble was like water over rocks and it was so comforting he just wanted to fall asleep with his head on her lap.

"Right, right. I'll be more careful. But you should all be careful too." He enjoyed Buffy's expression. She obviously wanted to defend herself but had to hold back her whole chosen one secret. Too fun.

"So did you need a spell or something? I mean, we can help with spells or something if you need one or…or something." Willow finished with a sharp blush. Damn that adorable blush that Willow had mastered back when she needed something from Xander. And damn him for falling for it every freaking time.

And as subtle as possible he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, desperate for just a tiny touch of her skin and just a tiny sniff of the scent that was pure Willow. "Looking for a test subject for your wicked spells? Don't worry, honey. I'll just fall back on the tried and true method of kicking this guy as hard as I can. He might take a hint."

Willow was quick to jump into the conversation about Xander's fake creepy guy, offering advice and positive thinking. And maybe, hopefully, it was that she sensed it was her Xander shaped friend in a Lexi shaped body because soon Xander was sitting with his friends and snacking and joking and it was like being home. Even Buffy eventually warmed to him, enjoying it when he admired all her victories. Getting into Buffy's heart was sometimes too easy.

Hours passed unnoticed and too soon the door to the shop opened to reveal a perpetually irritated and very British vampire. His eyes trailed over the gathering of girls, stopping briefly on the newest addition to the group. And then, nothing. No big reaction, no pointing out that it was the same girl who stole his kill the night before. Just a half wave at Giles and Anya before settling against a wall.

It was weird.

As Willow began introducing Lexi to the vampire Xander realized he didn't often get to see a quiet Spike. It was a nice change. Hell, he could see Spike sweeping any of his coworkers off their feet with just a raise brow and a smirk. Tally would be in love after just seeing the smirk. Of course they wouldn't know about the whole multiple attempts to kill the gang. And as he smirked at Xander he realized he was forgetting about those murder attempts as well.

Shit, why was he smiling?

"Sorry, brain turned off again. What just happened?" Xander asked, going for the clueless but cute routine. Sometimes it had worked when he was a man. And sure enough Willow was brushing right passed the awkward silence and was reintroducing him to Spike.

"You remember Lexi from last night? She's the one who killed that demon." Willow pressed a hand against Xander's shoulder, a friendly but empty gesture. No hidden meaning. No secret recognition. Just the light press of her hand. "She came in looking for a spell so we got to talking. She's really nice!"

Xander laughed and didn't feel any shame when it was a very, very girly sound. "Not nearly as nice as you guys. But thanks. And sorry but I missed your name."

Like a panther, or maybe a cougar or something but definitely a jungle cat of some kind, he pulled himself from the wall and stalked forward to take her hand in his. "Spike, love. Nice to meet you."

A little voice, which sounded suspiciously like irritated Giles, started moaning in his head. Words like 'bugger' and 'blast it all.' British words which he could not let Spike catch him saying. Rejecting his inner Giles he replaced that voice with an inner Anya. Fierce. Sexy. Wait, why did he want to be sexy around Spike?

"Right back at you. And sorry for stealing your kill last night. Bastard hit me across the street and I don't want word getting out that I'm okay with crap like that." He noticed a slight smile behind the charming mask Spike had put on. Not sexy. Not appealing in anyway.

"Obviously you just owe me another demon to kill. Speaking of, you seem human enough. How'd you get messed up with the nasties of Sunnydale?"

Buffy actually spoke up, probably bored and wanting to change the subject to slaying of any kind. "She dated a vampire. Girl's pretty tough. Thought about dragging her on patrol."

That was news to Xander. "Got something big and bad you can't take care of? I mean, I'm sure I'm not that useful."

"Bird makes a good point." Spike's attention left Xander and turned to Buffy. "You dated Peaches and that didn't help your fighting on wink."

"Angel taught me tons of fighting stuff!" Buffy stood, stake at the ready.

"How to fight stuff and how to run to his arms when something scary messes up your hair isn't the same thing." The blond vampire shot back.

And there is was, Xander's favorite time of day. The time when he could distract Spike's snarky comments and save Buffy from having to actually back up her threats. Because really, it was only a matter of time before she reintroduced Spike and Mr. Pointy. But newcomer Lexi wouldn't be able to use Xander's knowledge of Spike's history or his bad habits.

Damn he wanted his normal junk back.

"Buffy!" He called out. "I don't work tonight so I could go and patrol or whatever. I mean, don't have any other plans and I definitely don't have anything to rush home for so I can totally be your useless meat shield."

His ploy worked, dragging Buffy's attention to the new girl and away from her most hated companion. "You're not useless. Not if you can do that axe thing again."

Willow, who had probably been ignoring the fighting, jumped back into the conversation with a grin. "This'll be so fun! It's been uneven since…well since…" She struggled for a second before giving up on her sentence.

Buffy wasn't going to let Willow focus on whatever it was that was bothering her and instead went for the weapons. A shiny new axe for Xander and a few stakes. He was really grateful for that. He hadn't expected to stay at the shop for so long and had left his weapons at the apartment. Xander never realized how naked he felt without his weapons. Like anything could get him at anytime.

That feeling sucked.

"Well, let's go kill some nasties." Buffy said with a grin that could have sent most of the demons in Sunnydale running.


	5. Chapter 5

**One chapter goes up early, the other chapter goes up very late. Sorry about all that but I'm busy with graduating, getting a real job, and various friend related dramas. I'll try and be better about updating but again, life is unpredictable and at the moment very busy. Thank you to everyone who's submitted a review or added this to their favorites! You make for a happy author-beast.  
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><p>Chapter 5<p>

Xander decided two things after patrolling with the gang as a girl. First, he was never going to wear something he liked near a graveyard again. It had taken an actual spell from Willow to get the strange demon blood out of his green pants and they would probably never recover completely. He was almost tempted to return to the store and claim they had come with the mysterious stain. Anya had done it a few times and always seemed to be returning with brand new clothes. Then again he hadn't quite mastered sexy the way she had, or demanding, so it seemed mysteriously stained pants were in his future. But secondly, and more importantly, he decided he wasn't ever going to patrol with his girls again. Or Spike for that matter. Because Spike wasn't one of his girls. Or his.

"Seriously, when did my train of thought derail?" He asked his dinner which was nice enough to not answer. Talking food would have pushed him over the edge.

It had been painful watching Buffy as she ran around slaying and trading banter with the villainous undead. Same old Buffy. It seemed like her fighting style had always been witty comments, posing heroically, and ultimately kicking ass when it was getting boring. As far as Xander was concerned things were only serious when Buffy stopped the banter. Although that wasn't always true. Case in point, the battle with Angelus.

It was painful watching Willow cast spells and even manage a few direct hits with her stake. Okay, a direct hit with a stake that she's put a spell on. Willow hadn't inherited the Slayer gene so he couldn't really blame her for taking advantage of what she did have. Which was magic, and Slayer strength in the form of a best friend who was more protective of the red head than she often admitted. Xander had seen it before. If a vampire was going after him and another was going after Willow, the witch would be saved first. He'd be a close second though. But after watching Willow and her magic he was beginning to think the order needed to be reversed. Willow could take care of herself.

It was painful watching Spike utterly destroy everything in his path. Which, if he was going to go all deep thought about it, made a ton of sense. After losing his bite to a piece of government plastic, or whatever vampire stopping chips were made of, Spike had gone above and beyond in patrols. It probably helped that Giles had come up with a weird system of dead demons for blood but Xander suspected a lot of it came from a feeling of helplessness. Not that he'd ever say that to Spike. Chip or no chip, if Xander ever said Spike was feeling helpless he'd be able to get a glimpse of his own intestines before his death. Oh, he said plenty of things similar to that, but actually confronting the former Big Bad about his inabilities and how they made him feel were not a good life plan. So Spike would go around killing things with a fury and Xander, well, he'd keep being Xander.

Weak and useless.

Which is what he was during patrol. While Buffy and Spike fought, and Willow threw spells, Xander was left being useless. Like always.

He managed to stake a handful of vampires, most of which were freshly turned and not that smart. Really he hit about his average for a good night of patrolling. And when the knee high demon who squirted berry blue blood attacked him he managed to kill it easily. Okay, really he could have accidently fell and killed the damn thing, it was that small and that fragile. The demon's only weapon, a tiny sword, felt like it had been made of plastic. Sure it had hurt, but no more than running into a coffee table. Really the high pitched scream had been the worst. Killing the ugly little bastard had mostly been so he'd shut up.

And yes, he may have gone a little overboard but that was Buffy's fault for giving him an axe.

But they had been so impressed with him.

Not Spike, of course. He had returned to the shadows to smoke and look mysterious. But Willow and even Buffy were so damn impressed with him. They wanted him to start patrolling with them and Buffy even wanted to train with him.

"If I was still a guy they'd have criticized me for all my mistakes." He told his dinner. He should have been eating the spaghetti instead of complaining to it, but no one else was around to listen. And when he was done complaining he could eat the food and it would never be able to share his secrets.

"The only thing that's changed is my gender and suddenly I'm Ms. Awesome with Fighting. That would be my superhero name. But I'd have to wear low cut tops and maybe even a skirt to fight evil." As an avid reader of comics he knew this was true. And it really sucked.

"Maybe I'm just moaning because I know as soon as I turn back to Xan-man they're going to think I'm useless again." Oh, and when that happened he'd have to tell them he'd been Lexi the whole time. And wouldn't that be a fun conversation? And the real cherry would come when Spike finally figured out because there was absolutely no way he was going to last an hour without being teased to death. Literally teased to death.

It was going to happen.

Luckily the blue blood had given him an excuse to leave patrol early and hurry back to his apartment. And while at first he had started planning how he was going to get them to realize who he was without actually being around them his thoughts had morphed into wondering if he could just live the rest of his life as a woman. He could just run off to a city like Cordelia did. Could reinvent himself as a woman, work in a seedy demon bar because if they had seedy demons bars in Sunnydale they had to have a couple in LA. Life would be easy after that. Get married, adopt because even if he had the equipment he didn't feel the pressing urge to experience the miracle of birth, and get old. He could do that. And then Spike, and the rest of the gang but mostly Spike, would never be able to tease him about his time as a woman.

It was a stupid idea. Not his dumbest but still up in the top ten. Eventually he was going to have to go back into the shop and start dropping anvil sized hints about who he really was.

In his funk he didn't realize he was staring at his answering machine. His machine full of reprimands from Willow for disappearing without notice. It was also starting to get messages where she sounded worried. And while it touched him that she kept calling he couldn't help but notice there had been no mention of his disappearance at the store or during patrol. Not even a joke about having to get their own snacks. And yes, he noticed the lack of sugary snack foods in the shop. Didn't take a genius to figure out what his main contribution to the group was.

And if he was honest with himself, which anymore he had to be, that was what bothered him the most. Not the unintentional critique towards his abilities while patrolling and not the fact that they had known him for so long they probably expected ineptitude from him, even when he could be a decent fighter. No, the real problem was it was nearing three weeks and he couldn't see a difference in their lives without him. The people he considered family, the people he loved and couldn't live without seemed just fine.

Hell, it almost seemed like they were better off. Without him to set Spike off the patrol had been peaceful, if he ignored the vampire attacks.

"Fuck it." He threw his food into the trash, no longer interested in dinner, and settled on the couch with cartoons to distract him from the ache that was forming in his chest.

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><p>He was most definitely not avoiding his friends. As a bartender he just operated at different hours. So if he needed to get something everyone needed, like food, it would make sense that he did so at three in the morning when even the most dedicated of the gang was already in bed.<p>

That was just logic.

And if he had been watching the cooking channel for hours before work to distract him from thoughts he'd rather not think it wouldn't be his fault that he needed to load his cart with tons of food he'd never dared to look at before. Because if he was going to be hiding from his own life he was going to do it while eating delicious food.

The actual cooking programs weren't as helpful as he imagined they'd be, mostly because the bubbly hostesses made him want to slam his head against a wall. But there were the occasional cooking oddballs who introduced him to the world of improbable food combinations. So with visions of bacon wrapped mushrooms and spicy hard boiled eggs covered in seaweed he cautiously entered the only store in Sunnydale that would be open at three in the morning.

But if there was a god watching over Sunnydale it was a childish and mean god. He sent an irritated though to that god when he found a familiar blond standing in front of the tea section at three in the morning.

Damn Spike and damn his British need for tea.

Before he could sneak away Spike's eyes caught him. Caught her.

"Well, fancy seeing you here." He called as way of greeting.

Xander, lacking anything close to a backbone, pushed his cart towards the vampire with a forced cheer. "And you. Didn't realize late night tea cravings could get so serious. Have you thought about going to a tea support group for your addiction?"

Spike frowned for a moment before laughing. It was a deep laugh that startled the night clerk mopping further down the aisle."Don't know if you noticed, love, but I'm British. Our tea addicts support groups serve tea at the meetings."

Xander found himself laughing that same girly laugh he'd been trying to hide. But Spike didn't know it was him so why not indulge in some girly laughter.

"Now what's all this. Fancy stuff for a late night food run." The blond began poking through Xander's cart, pushing aside lamb and herbs and some fruits Xander hadn't even heard of until his cooking channel marathon.

"Cooking channel. They're the monsters you should blame." He grabbed the lamb and mango chutney and held them side by side. "Doesn't this seem like a wonderful, awful idea?"

Spike nodded with a raised brow. "Truly awful. So, I'm actually glad to have run into you. How you feeling?"

"What?" An unexpected turn in the conversation.

"After the other night, with all the slaying and what have you. Seemed a little jittery at the end." He did a weird little twist, like he didn't want to look Xander in the eye.

"I'm fine. You'd be surprised how normal that all was." A million complaints rose up his throat, bitten down at the last second. "I've just been a little off since the move I guess. New town, new people, same fighting for your life after work."

The joke must have fell flat because Spike didn't even smile. "You need someone to walk you home I can do it. Not like I sleep at night."

It was only then that Xander realized Lexi had never been introduced to Spike as a vampire. No one had said a word about it. And of course innocent little Lexi wouldn't know a vampire when she saw one. At least not one who was more interested in tea than attacking him. Or would she? Hadn't he said Lexi sort of kind of dated a vampire once? Yes, so she would be able to recognize Spike for what he was. Maybe. But would Lexi care?

And of course his brain chose a perfect moment to short circuit on what Lexi would or would not care about.

Refocusing on the conversation at hand Xander offered the same bright smile he'd been working on mastering. One of Willow's smiles. Sweet, friendly and open. "Night job too?"

He actually seemed startled at that. Maybe he hadn't realized Lexi was someone who wouldn't know what he was. Maybe he didn't expect as much from a normal little human. Wasn't he always the normal one? "Er, no. No, love. The slayer didn't tell you?"

"Slayer is…Buffy, right?" Xander wrinkled his nose. "She said lots of stuff about you, I'm sure not all of it true, but nothing about your job."

He laughed again. It was becoming a sound Xander wished he could hear more of when he wasn't pretending to be someone else. "Sorry, it's just, I can't believe they didn't tell you. Or that you didn't figure it out. I'm a vampire."

Without thinking Xander shrugged easily. "Oh that. Knew that when I saw you fighting with that demon the other night."

Spike's raised brow, the one with the scar, did nothing to reassure Xander that he'd given the right answer. He'd have to remember to write down everything he'd been saying in case there was a pop quiz in the future. He seemed to be rather inconsistent with his Lexi-answers.

"You've known and haven't said anything? Haven't tried running away?"

He shrugged again, hair falling off his shoulder and tumbling down his back. "You haven't tried to eat me."

Spike's grin turned naughty. "Not yet."

And off the brain went. His brain was so turned off he couldn't even think of a good metaphor to show how off his brain was. But he wasn't Xander right now. He was Lexi, damnit. Lexi didn't shut down at vampire flirts. She channeled her inner Anya so she could rock that vampire's world.

Not that he wanted to rock Spike's world. Never. No way.

No.

"If you even try to take a bite out of me don't think I won't bite back." He showed off his teeth before losing the intense stare to giggles. "Besides, if you ate me I'd be forced to haunt you."

"Don't mind a cute ghost following me around." Spike said. He even ruffled Xander's hair playfully.

And off went the brain again. Quiet and empty and hadn't he been able to banter with the vampire just weeks before without feeling stupid? But those fights, hardly fights after forced cohabitation, had been sharp and hard and only occasionally friendly. None of this 'cute' nonsense floating around.

In fact the whole 'cute' thing distracted him so badly he didn't even realize he'd arrived at the register until Spike began putting his things on the line for him.

"Whoa, why does my brain keep emptying like that?" Coy and cool. Coy and cool. He could do it. "Must be from weird hours, you know?"

Spike grinned at him, at her. "I've some idea."

"No really, I'm blaming the job. Can I get worker's comp for this? This brain turning off business."

"What's the job, love?" Spike asked, still putting Xander's purchases on the conveyer belt.

"Bartending. Just started so I'm still adjusting, you know?" Xander was quick to pay for his items, and quicker at hiding his credit card from Spike. While he had Lexi's information for work he didn't have a bank account for her and if Spike found out Xander Harris was buying Lexi Hart's groceries there'd be some questioning. No need to reveal himself at three in the morning.

And no, his desire to be undiscovered had nothing to do with how nice Spike was being to the girl Xander had become.

He didn't remember just how Spike had talked him into letting the vampire walk him home but it was only a few blocks away and there wasn't any real reason for Xander to say no. Spike had never seen his new apartment, at least he was pretty sure the blond hadn't, and Anya had girl-ified the place about a week ago. Well, mostly the living room, and only with a few potted plants and some girly magazines. And not the girly magazines he would have been reading before the change.

Well, he still flipped through that kind of magazine and was pleased to know his attraction to women hadn't waivered.

But it wasn't an apartment that screamed "Xander" anymore. Instead it spoke "Lexi" and whispered "Xander." And he could live with that.

Spike helped him carry in the groceries and even helped him put the various foodstuffs away and Xander was convinced he had missed out while a man. Where was all this nice guy business when they had lived together? Sure, Xander still wanted to stake Spike, but that was no reason for the vampire to refuse the basic roommate niceties like putting groceries away.

Forcing himself away from those thought he settled for smiling bright and being cute. "Thanks for the help. Can I offer you a drink or something?"

"Not unless you're hiding some blood behind your milk." Spike joked.

Casually Xander shrugged. "Had to throw my blood supply out. Got old and gross and you wouldn't have wanted it."

And there was that pleasantly shocked look that Xander was starting to really enjoy. Why couldn't he have shocked Spike more before this mess? It would have made their arguments so much more fun.

Eventually Spike had to call it a night, a morning, as the sun was rising. Xander didn't even feel weird hugging the vampire in front of the door or asking him to stop by the club sometime. But he did feel weird when Spike paused to stare at his closet.

"Something wrong?" He asked, fighting the urge to open the closet door. He knew there were only jackets and shoes in there, but all his Xander shoes and none of his Lexi shoes.

"Nothing, pet." Spike said after a long pause. "Must just be tired from a long night."

And before Xander could catch his movements Spike leaned down and kissed him. Just a soft, good night kind of a kiss but a kiss none the less.

"Ta." And he was gone.

The blush on Xander's face remained there until long after he fell asleep, strengthened when he realized he wasn't upset that the vampire had kissed him.

He was upset that he hadn't kissed him back.


	6. Chapter 6

**So, this is way late and I'm sorry but things in the real world have been ridiculous. Graduating, moving, no luck with a job and then my father had a heart attack and bypass surgery so most of my time has been spent taking care of my younger siblings and keeping the house running while Mom takes care of Dad. Things are settling down now so I'll probably manage quicker updates but no promises. Thank you again for all the reviews and an author's shame cookie to Eaker Squeaker who caught a typo. So much shame! **

**I hope everyone enjoys the chapter.  
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><p>Chapter Six<p>

Five hours of wanting to kill a coworker did not create a happy Xander. In the DJ's defense she probably didn't realize how annoying her song choice was. Or at the least she didn't realize that anyone over twenty would find the songs annoying. And that, Xander realized, was the problem with working Teen Night.

That, and the fact that he got to spend the night opening pop cans and frowning whenever the high school students tried sweet talking him into giving them a beer.

"What the hell? That was the seventh one. Don't they get the meaning of Teen Night?" Xander complained to his fellow bartender. Jake, who was busy juggling tequila bottles, didn't seem bothered by the kids. Then again none of them had asked Jake for a beer. "It's because you're a dude, isn't it?"

The taller bartender laughed, nudging Xander with one of his steel toed boots and while also managing to do a complicated juggling move. Maybe it wasn't about him being a dude. Maybe it was because Jake reeked of cool. "It's because my face looks like a pin cushion." Or maybe it was that. "Besides, between the two of us they should be more worried about you."

"Thanks for that vote of confidence." Xander sighed, pulling out a third Mountain Dew for one of the post punk girls. "You going to be okay to drive, honey?"

"I'll be fine. It's everyone else you should worry about." The girl replied, all but skipping back to her group of friends. He couldn't remember girls like that from his glory days at Sunny High but now there was a pack of them traveling across the dance floor together and openly mocking the blond cheerleaders who were slow dancing near them. Ah, back when the ability to do a back flip was more impressive on the football field than in a cemetery. Where had his childhood gone?

As he turned back to the bar he caught Jake watching her go and wrinkled his nose, a long winded speech about staying away from under aged girls already on his tongue, when his coworker laughed. "Man, what's with the fake tail? And it's purple too."

Xander looked back towards the retreating girl and couldn't hide the grin caused by the tail she'd attached to her belt. It swung merrily with each skip and even Xander could admit that Jake had earned that unintentional stare at the under aged girl's butt. It certainly drew the eye, which may have been the girl's plan if the flirty look she shot to another post punk in her little group. Though maybe that wasn't the right word for it. Was rainbow goth a thing? Did rainbow goths wear purple tails? "Maybe that guy with the cat ears from earlier is her boyfriend."

The pair started laughing so hard they didn't noticed their boss sneaking behind them, quiet as a mouse and twice as bright. But Xander did catch her as she leaned down to steal some of the rum he'd hidden under the counter.

"Tahlia." He said in what he hoped was a stern voice. "Scott said no booze pass the counter tonight."

"That's why I'm drinking it down here." She retorted, blinding grabbing for a coke from the cooler Xander was standing in front of. Eventually he felt pity for her and handed over a can. "Ugh, does she even realize how bad these songs are? My good feel is so out the window right now."

He followed her stare towards Gwen, wondering if she realized how grating the music was. The sugar sweet music with untalented singers was only appealing to anyone under the age of eighteen. Gwen was a good enough DJ, actually really good, but she took Teen Night too seriously. Xander suspected she was not wholly human. Sometimes he'd catch her taking notes about flirting and partying from the magazines that littered the break room. Maybe that was why she created a completely new list of songs for Teen Night, not knowing that the kids would be fine if exposed to the club's normal music. And even if they weren't fine there was a half off cover so they had no right to complain.

"Ugh, I just became an old man." Xander groaned, lowering his head to the counter.

Jake lifted an eyebrow, which was impressive considering how much metal was in that brow. "An old man?" He asked.

Xander's face grew hot. "You know, darn-kids-get-off-my-lawn kinda stuff." He said, shaking his fist and squinting one eye. His fellow bartender seemed satisfied with the answer, already turning his attention back to the dance floor and the subject of bad music and young ears that didn't know any better.

"She could've just left the normal mix on." Jake mumbled, handing Tally the bowl of cherries she'd been blinding grabbing for.

"Irregardless…"

"Regardless." Tally corrected from the nook she'd shoved herself into under the bar.

"Regardless, there's only about an hour until close. We can do this."

"Lexi?" A soft voice brushed over him like the wind. Willow broke through the crowd, all but running to the bar. "I've been looking all over for you."

His boss and coworker both raised their eyebrow in harmony and Xander retracted his earlier statement. He couldn't do this.

"Willow! Hi! Can I get you a drink?" He asked, pouring all his bubbly Lexi charm into his words.

"No, I was hoping I could talk to you. No one's seen you since…" She suddenly seemed to realize the heavily pierced, blue haired bartender had been not so subtly eavesdropping and stopped herself. Xander didn't blame her. Jake couldn't eavesdrop worth crap and he didn't fade into the background well. It probably didn't help that Tally was peaking at her from the edge of the bar, meaning there wasn't even the illusion of privacy. "…since the other night."

Before he could come up with an excuse Tally appeared beside him with a speed he wouldn't have thought possible. "She needed a break anyways. Go on, I've got Jake covered."

Xander chose not to comment on how the look on Tally's face made it seem like she wanted to do more than just cover Jake but he let it slide. Tally didn't back down and neither did Willow. The conversation was going to happen.

He escorted her pass the crowds of teens and into the offices. Scott probably wouldn't mind them using his office, which was actually soundproofed in case he needed to make business calls, but Xander didn't want that much quiet. Instead he lead her to the lounge the employees used for their breaks. A few old couches and a flat screen TV that always seemed to be on the Home and Garden channel separated the unofficial break area from the unofficial kitchen which was just a few counters, a fridge, a sink, and a microwave. He could still hear the music but it wasn't enough to distract from the conversation.

Which was a pity because he really didn't want to have the conversation he knew was coming.

"I was serious about that drink question. We have some alcohol back here but mostly soda and some juice. Well, a lot of juice. Gwen's dad owns an orchard or something so she's always bringing in homemade juice."

Willow settled easily onto one of the couches, drawing her legs under her in a move Xander could never duplicate. "I really am fine. Just wanted to talk."

So much for stalling. Xander sat gracelessly onto the other couch and took a deep breath to steady him. "What's up then? Everything okay?"

"Did we do something wrong? I mean, did we offend you or something?"

"Buwha?" Xander asked, not having expected that. He expected questions about his credentials when it came to the things that went bump in the night. Certainly not determined-to-make-a-friend Willow.

"I thought we had fun the other night and we all really liked hanging out with you. And then you said you'd stop by soon and that was like a week ago I think and Spike said he saw you at the store and that you said you'd see us later or stop by or something and I just got worried that we offended you because we haven't seen you anywhere."

So long away from Willow meant he'd gotten rusty at following Willow babble. But he got most of it and it stabbed at his heart. "I'm really sorry. It's just, with the move and the late night work here I've been a zombie. A metaphorical zombie!"

Willow seemed hesitant about excepting his excuse and he didn't blame her.

"It was really nice having people I could talk with about vampire junk and even not vampire junk. So no, you didn't offend me. I'm just a bad person."

Instantly she began defending him and his disappearing act. Eventually they both settled on taking a little blame and moving on from there. For a few minutes they talked about the gang, Willow babbling about their various exploits and which demons were currently active around town. It felt so familiar and for a moment Xander wondered if Willow would recognize him. Couldn't she see him behind Lexi's makeup? Couldn't she tell it was her Xander, her best friend since kindergarten and her best friend until he took his last breath?

"Oh wow, I should get going. But you are going to stop by the store right? If you have time?"

Apparently not.

"Sure, I have a day off coming up. I'll try." He awkwardly accepted her hug and started to lead her towards the back exit before remembering something. "Did you say Spike had been talking about me?"

Willow regarded him with wide eyes, as though she'd been caught doing something naughty. "Um, sort of? Just that you ran into each other."

Xander didn't know if he accepted that answer but she seemed uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had moved to so he let it drop. "Well if you see him maybe tell him hi for me? Tell all of the group I say hi."

"Sure. And, well, Spike says there are a lot more vampires than usual in the graveyard between here and your apartment so take a different path home, okay?" She hugged him again and walked off into the night, stake already in hand. He knew he should worry about her but his Willow had gotten stronger and didn't have that far to go. Plus it was highly likely she would run into Buffy within a block. Buffy was the only person more protective of Willow than Xander and she even had the super strength to be useful.

Before he returned to the bar he checked his jacket, pleased with the weapons he had left in the pockets. He needed a way to blow off steam and a bunch of vampires seemed like a good enough way.

* * *

><p>If there was one night that Xander didn't have to escort Tally to a mysterious date it was on Teen Night. She could only last so long around the bubbly, bouncy, perky teens before drinking herself unconscious became top of her to do list. Which was why she was sleeping on the cot in her office and Xander was taking the direct route home.<p>

And thank goodness because he really, really wanted to get into a fight.

It was stupid that he wanted to fight so badly. That was Spike's area, or at least Buffy's. Definitely not his. Maybe it was like cabin fever. Being trapped in another life, another body, had left him wanting to get out and cause mayhem. Or prevent mayhem as the case may be. A preemptive strike on mayhem.

His thoughts were cut off as a vampire crawled out of his grave and hissed at Xander. He didn't get much further out of the ground before Xander shoved his stake into the newly undead's chest, careful to keep his eyes close as the dust exploded around him.

"Gross." He sighed, settling on the ground. All his previous excitement was gone, replaced with self pity and irritation. Mood swings had been a problem before his transformation so he couldn't go blaming it on hormones. Okay, he could but he wouldn't.

At least not out loud.

"Damn, why didn't I take the rest of Tally's rum?" He wondered to the empty cemetery.

Well, to a mostly empty cemetery.

The vampire, old enough to not just attack the girl who was dumb enough to sit alone on top a grave, was so close and unlike the freshly turned vampire he wasn't going to let her stake him. But as much as he was focused on the girl he didn't notice a master vampire behind him.

A muffled sound caught Xander's attention and he turned just in time to get a face full of dust. Some of it even went into his mouth! Coughing, choking, and pretty much freaking out Xander tried to get to his feet and was stopped by a strong, cold hand. Her panic doubled before a familiar voice spoke up, the strong grip softening to a gentle touch.

"Careful, love. Don't want you getting hurt."

His smile was cheeky and Xander felt like slapping Spike would be the best thing he could do in the immediate future. But he had just saved him, so maybe just a light punch.

Unfortunately he couldn't do either while coughing painfully.

"You going to be alright, love?" The blond vampire asked, still focused on keeping Xander upright. He didn't let go once Xander stopped coughing, instead trailing his hand down from Xander's shoulder and settling at his wrist.

"Ugh, I hope I didn't swallow any of that. Gross, gross, gross." He allowed his eyes to travel up Spike's arm to the vampire's concerned face. His handsome, concerned face. Whoa, whoa, no handsome thoughts when around the vampire in question. Those thoughts were for when he was alone in his apartment. "Not one of my better moments, I'll admit."

Spike shrugged in that casual way that only he ever seemed to pull off. His hand was still resting on Xander's wrist, not holding him but not letting him go, and the temporary woman couldn't find a reason to complain about it. At least nothing that wouldn't make him sound dumb. The silence in the cemetery seemed to reach a point where someone would have to say something, anything, or awkwardness would descend upon them.

"Why you walking alone?"

"Did you send Willow to talk to me?"

Okay, someone needed to talk but not both of them and not at the same time.

"Sorry, go on, pet." Spike offered.

"Did you send Willow to talk to me? She was at my work today and she mentioned that you talked with her." He could see something flitter across Spike's face and instantly the babbling came flying out of his lips. "Not that I'm upset or anything because she didn't say anything rude or mean and I was just wondering and she was weird when I asked about you and you don't have to say anything never mind I'll just shut up."

The vampire cocked an brow at the human. "How is it everyone in this bloody town can do that without passing out? Thought it was only vampires that didn't need air."

Xander wrinkled his nose, already preparing to defend himself before he realized Spike was teasing. Or maybe he just hoped it was teasing.

"You aren't answering my question."

"Right, didn't ask Red to look for you but did mention our little run in. Girls seem to think you didn't like them." He raised that scarred brow again and Xander most certainly did not feel the urge to do anything like a swoon, no sir.

Or no ma'am. Either.

"Didn't dislike them. Just busy. I told you I work weird hours."

The blond nodded and, perhaps to relieve the awkwardness that was threatening their conversation, started leading Xander out of the cemetery. "Slayer works weird hours too, but she still has time to chat. Unfortunately."

Some of his favorite unanswered questions popped into his head and it was probably the only time Spike would answer him. "You're really 'grr' about Buffy but you still protect her and help her. And you're a vampire. Shouldn't you be afraid, er, not comfortable around her?"

He regarded Xander with 'that look' which Lexi wouldn't know but Xander could picture with his eyes closed. That 'are you a bleeding idiot, no wait why did I ask' look. But it passed and was replaced with an expression Xander had never seen on Spike before. It was one where his brow wrinkled and his eyes almost crossed. It was a thinking look.

"Can't hunt proper so I'm not a threat to the blasted slayer. Means she lets me play demon-encyclopedia and I get an occasional paycheck and sometimes pig blood out of the deal." The honesty in his voice almost knocked the temporary woman on his ass. But it also refreshing. Xander could easily get use to honest Spike.

"They seem to like you. I mean, not Buffy but I don't think she likes much of anything. But Willow likes you, I think. And Anya kept staring at your butt." Okay, that was just using what he knew about his ex-girlfriend to make small talk. But Anya had gone on and on about Spike's ass and Xander had always wondered if he had the right to just tell the vampire. Of course now he was starting to agree with her. Spike had a great butt.

"Course she does. It's a marvelous butt."

"Incredible butt." Xander agreed solemnly.

Afterwards their walk became a silent one, but Xander still found himself enjoying the peaceful night. The sounds of cars and nocturnal creatures and insects filled the emptiness that came from their silence. Every once in a while Spike would point out something interesting like a tomb belonging to someone who had changed the history of the world without getting any recognition from history or an owl watching them from the darkness of an oak tree.

They had almost made it out of the cemetery when a vampire who must have been a football player before he died figured he could take them out. He charged, actually charged like a bull, and Xander felt Spike pulling him away from the attack.

And straight towards another vampire who had probably been captain of the chess team before dying. Not that he looked like a stereotypical dork, and Xander knew plenty about the world of dorks. He just looked like the captain of the chess team had looked when Xander had been a member.

A temporary member.

But whatever he lacked in strength he made up for with intelligence, waiting for the bigger vampire to chase the prey right into his arms.

While Spike fought with the larger threat Xander found himself being all but jumped on by the smaller threat.

Physically smaller, Xander clarified mentally as the vampire held tightly onto his shoulder.

"This will all be over soon." The smaller vampire said, fangs whiter than they should have been. And what a weird thought to have while being eaten.

"Too true." Xander replied, shoving his stake into the vampire's chest. He turned just in time to see the lumbering vampire throw Spike into a nearby tree.

A mental check of the tools to his disposal ended with an embarrassingly short list so Xander decided for his tried and true method of throwing himself into a fight he had no business being a part of. Only this time he did it quietly, using the vampire's laughter to hide the sound of his steps, allowing him to sneak up behind the undead creep and stake him.

Once the dust settled Xander smirked at the confused man watching him. "So that's one for Spike, three for Lexi. Someone's going to owe me a treat before the night's over."

Spike chuckled, proving that he was fine by searching for his cigarettes instead of checking for injuries. "Got a mess of junk food back at the lair. If you're interested."

Xander laughed back, helping the vampire to his feet. "I suppose that'll do. Lead away. I've always wanted to see a vampire lair."

"Really?"

"No. But it seemed like an appropriate thing to say."


	7. Chapter 7

**Yet another update beginning with an apologetic author-beast. How shocking. But yes, I am sorry for the slow updates which may get slower. Father is still recovering from his heart attack (he's fine, just bored and when he's bored he makes everyone else antsy) and I've gotten a job (and potential second job). But the good news is there won't be too many chapters left (wait, is that good news or bad news?). Thank you again to everyone who's added this to their list of favorites, or is watching for updates, and a giant thanks to those who comment. You make me feel like I've succeeded. **

**(Also keep an eye out for a new one shot featuring Xander and Spike and a less than white wedding, coming soon to a website near you)**

* * *

><p>Chapter Seven<p>

Since their forced cohabitation Xander had been in Spike's crypt a grand total of seven times. Five of those times were to deliver blood or a message. Two of those times had been to see if the vampire had one of his missing possessions.

Both times Spike did in fact have said possessions.

But this time he was actually a guest and it made him feel tingly. A good tingly, like just before his hand falls asleep and he manages to shake it awake. And there was no force on Earth that would make him examine those feelings. Instead he began exploring the crypt, hand hovering just above Spike's few possessions. An inch above the record player that had probably been pulled from a the city dump. Some weapons that he knew were stolen from Giles. A picture frame flipped over so he couldn't see what the picture was. He just let his hand hover, careful not to disturb the fine layer of dust, or the smudges from where Spike had already touched the items. He was trying for polite, but it was so hard when he was distracted by weapons, which where cleaner than he expected, or the books, which he hadn't expected at all.

"I like it." He announced, catching the too cool look Spike was casting at him. "Very modern vampire, right? Did you mail order the spider webs? It's a nice touch."

The vampire actually laughed, ruffling Xander's hair and messing up his casual work pony tail. Ass.

"Glad you like it. Webs came with the place. Last owner put a lot of energy into decorating."

Xander snorted. "It shows."

And suddenly that awkward silence, not at all close to the comfortable silence from earlier, fell. And when it fell it fell hard. Xander tried to come up with a metaphor for the falling of the silence since he didn't have anything to say. It wasn't close to a leaf dropping on a warm autumn day. No, that was the silence from earlier. This was the silence of an alien race descending on humanity and bringing about the end of the world.

"Are you listening, love?" Spike asked with a strange expression.

And that was why Xander didn't come up with metaphors while talking.

"Sorry. Thinking. About stuff. Boring, normal, not at all alien…stuff." Xander wrinkled his nose. "Kind of stupid stuff. Really stupid stuff. What were you saying?"

The vampire chuckled, unbothered by the babbling human. Or maybe he was just use to it after all his time with the Sunnydale natives. Babbling was a sport in their hellish town after all. "Just wondering if you were still after a treat. Got some horrible, processed sweets around here somewhere."

"Excellent." Xander cheered, peeking into a box Spike had produced from somewhere while he hadn't been looking. Inside there was a mess of goodies. Delicious goodies of the sugary variety. And there, near the top of the pile, was the holy grail of junk food. "You have Twinkies?!"

A strange expression crossed Spike's face before it was schooled back into a smug grin. "Been using that as bait, but suppose if you want some it won't be a bother."

"Bait? Like for a demon? Oh god to demons eat Twinkies? Those bastards."

Spike just chuckled. "It's a long story. No need to worry."

Smooth as could be Spike directed Xander to a ratty couch, a recent addition to the crypt. Xander would have given the treatment more thought than it deserved but he was too busy trying to rip open his newly acquired snacks.

Let it never be said that sugar wasn't the best way to turn off a pesky brain.

As the soft treat touched his lips everything else was forgotten. No more Spike, going on about something which was probably related to some sport Xander didn't care about. No more Buffy, who thought he was more useful as a girl than a boy. No more Willow, willing to call but not willing to come over and just knock on the stupid door to see if her best friend was still alive.

No more wondering if they had given up on him.

A cold hand settled over his and Xander forced himself away from his treat to stare at Spike. The vampire was smiling but it wasn't the smile he normally saw from his sort-of friend. It was almost sad.

What the hell? Spike could be sad?

"Got some cream on your face." Spike teased.

Xander tried to wipe it away, missing entirely. "Just really love these things."

"Sometimes you're just like him."

That was unexpected. Teasing was expected. Being compared to some mystery man was unexpected. And unexpected totally killed moods. He'd learned that quickly with Cordelia. Why couldn't someone explain that to Spike?

Not, of course, that Xander wanted any kind of mood preserved.

"Like who?" Xander asked, forgetting about the cream that he was suppose to be removing from his face. No way could he concentrate on that when Spike was giving him such a haunted expression. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. Haunted looks belonged to Angel when he couldn't be with Buffy because he was an gelled up drama queen. Spike was too cool for haunted, but he was doing well with a look that spoke of being bothered. Or maybe irritated.

Damn he was bad at reading Spike's moods.

Spike hesitated with his answer, almost long enough to make Xander think he was ignoring the question, but finally he sighed. "Slayer's boy. Name of Xander. He's…he's a good sort and he's been missing for a while. Was keeping those around since they're his favorites. Thought maybe…I don't know what I was thinking."

"You've been looking for him?" Xander asked, face flushing at the accidental confession Spike was giving. Part of him was almost ashamed, as though he was tricking Spike by allowing him to make a confession. Another part was more interested in what he would say. And a tiny part wondered how he'd manage to stumble onto a conversation about himself right when he was feeling depressed. It was almost like cheating.

"His work says some woman called in for him but they won't tell me where he's suppose to be at. None of the Slayer's lot knows where he's at. And I just can't find trace of him."

There was a crack in Spike's voice, almost like desperation. Or something cooler than desperation, because Spike didn't do desperate unless it involved Drusilla. But the slight crack was enough to jolt Xander into action.

Later he would claim it was an unconscious movement. That he hadn't thought about it, hadn't wanted to do it. But in his own mind Xander could admit that he had been wanting to hug onto the former Big Bad for a long time.

And it certainly seemed like a good moment.

He could feel Spike moving under his grasp. Could smell smoke and leather and something uniquely Spike. It was enough to make his head spin and somewhere behind the panic over his lack of panic Xander wondered just what he would do when he couldn't hide behind Lexi anymore.

"I'm sure he's out there somewhere and I'm sure he's fine. And I bet he'll be really grateful when he finds out you've been looking for him." And Xander was grateful. So grateful he might have to look into buying a few more bags of blood for Spike. Maybe something in a human variety.

Spike pulled back enough that he could rest his nose against Xander's cheek, inhaling deeply in a manner Xander would refer to as creepy in any other situation. But they were having a moment and Xander didn't feel like interrupting it. At least not yet.

Okay, maybe he did want to interrupt the moment, but he could do it in a way that was smoother than comments on creepy sniffing. "Maybe I could help you look? Or keep an eye open for him at the bar. Or something. Or I could stake out the junk food aisle in the store cause even if he's in hiding or something he's gotta come out for snacks. That's just logic. Is stake out an inappropriate thing to say to a vampire?"

The string of babbling gathered in Xander's mouth, ready to assault Spike until he agreed to let the "girl" help him, but something cool and soft interrupted him. Something that felt suspiciously like a pair of lips. A pair of lips against his and oh lord that was a tongue, wasn't it? A cool tongue licking at his lips and Xander certainly couldn't be held responsible for the gasp he made.

And too soon Spike pulled back, thumb wiping away the cream his tongue had missed. "A right treasure, aren't you?"

* * *

><p>With a skip in his step that he would have tried hiding before Xander made his way towards the Magic Box, far happier than he'd been in a long time. Not, of course that'd he'd be telling his girls it was because Spike had accidently spilled the beans on their concern. And it certainly wasn't because of the kissing.<p>

No, no, no. His girls were never going to find out about that and it had no impact on his mood and really they could all shut up and die.

"Spike kissed me." He told the empty street.

The street didn't reply, and not for the first time Xander wondered why he was always worried inanimate objects would talk to him.

Back to practically skipping, brown hair bobbing and make up in a forced casual look that he'd copied out of a magazine. Oh, he was hot and he knew it. A summer dress, short enough that he'd had to put on those ridiculously tiny shorts, and sandals that wrapped up his legs and a light jacket for later. Because yes, he was going to patrol. And yes, he was going to socialize. And yes, he was going to look awesome while doing so.

And no, it had nothing to do with Spike, thank you.

This was for Anya, who grace him with a pleased look when he walked into the Magic Box. Proof of his adjustment to the female world, which really wasn't too different from the male world. Maybe more fun, but only because it was so much easier to be obsessed with cooking when one was a girl. Really the biggest difference he'd found was his ability to talk to Spike without it turning into a fight and easier access to breasts.

He was actually going to miss that part when he finally got his man bits back.

"Well, don't you look chipper today. That's the right word, right? Chipper? Or perky? Or is that just about boobs?"

"And good morning to you, Anya." Xander chuckled, wondering if she could sense that his thoughts had turned to breasts. Then again Anya was prone to random conversations revolving around female anatomy. It was one of the things he'd appreciated about their relationship.

"It's nearly two in the afternoon. Not morning at all." She shrugged it off and motioned him closer. "I think some of the girls are starting to figure it out. Not Giles though. He can be kind of oblivious for a Watcher."

Xander nodded gravely, a little ashamed of the British man and how often he didn't realize what was right in his face. Glancing at Anya, all dolled up just for a boring day at work, he realized how apt that statement was. "Well that's good."

"Really? I'd have thought you'd want to stay a girl longer. More time to sleep with Spike."

If he'd been eating he would have choked. "I'm not sleeping with Spike!" He hissed, eyes narrowed.

"Alright, not now you aren't. But you want to, right?"

Damn that woman.

"Ha, I'm totally right."

Damn her twice over.

"Maybe you're…slightly right. In the sense that you're totally wrong. I mean, I like the guy a lot more than when I was male. He's way nicer. But that's the thing, he's nicer to Lexi, not to Xander. What if he figures out who I am? He'll hate me." Xander could feel his chest clenching, like he'd forgotten to breath.

Anya just shrugged. "Maybe he's nicer because you're nicer. You have to admit, Xander Harris is not very friendly with the undead."

Xander opened his mouth, paused, and shut it again.

"Spike and Lexi don't have a history of being snarky roommates, so why would be he rude to her? Also, no reason to maintain the Big Bad persona that you knew from when he was all evil and obsessed with his crazy girlfriend."

"Anya, have you always been this smart?" Xander asked, feeling a little uncomfortable by how well she read the situation.

"No, I've been reading a lot of self-help books since you dumped me."

His hands jumped up defensively. "It was a mutual break up."

"Of course, Xander." She glanced towards the backroom and shock her head. "Maybe you should talk to Willow about this."

"What this?"

"The possibly gay thing. I hear it's a big deal when someone finds out they're gay, but she went through it well enough." And with that Anya began shouting for Willow, leaving Xander no time to escape.

Quick as a bunny, and cute as one, Willow was there with wide eyes and a bright smile. Far too bright for horrible Alexia Hart who hadn't so much as called since going out exploring the darker side of the town with the girls almost a week before. Curse Willow's unending sweetness.

She bounced up from the backroom and didn't hesitated to catch him in a tight hug, already babbling about how excited she was that Lexi would come back for a visit and she hadn't meant to sound like she was accusing and there was just boring research this week and how was work going and wow didn't Lexi look pretty.

It almost made Xander's head spin.

In a flash Xander found himself back at the center of research, pushed into a slightly more comfortable than he remembered it chair with Willow gushing about everything and anything. From behind the counter he caught Anya rolling her eyes but she was either polite enough not to say anything or she just didn't have anything to say. That worked out fine for Xander who felt like he was getting his weekly best friend intake in five minutes.

"It's good to see you too, Wills." He chuckled, stopping when he saw her freeze up. "Oh, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing." Willow said, shifting awkwardly in her seat. "So, Buffy's off looking for this demon that eats socks, can you believe something like that exists, because one of them has gotten aggressive and is trying to eat the feet with the socks. So weird, right?"

He nodded, grumbling mentally about missing all the cool demons thanks to his womanly secret. "So what about everyone else? Mr. Giles and Tara and…er…well and Spike."

If he looked guilty at the vampire's name Willow didn't catch it. "Giles is at this auction for magical items and Tara's taking extra classes this semester so she's always busy and it's day time so I guess no Spike unless he comes running in with a blanket."

"He does that often?"

Willow shrugged. "Just when's he bored and looking for attention."

They shared a chuckle and some more small talk until Willow's nose wrinkled up and her face lit with some sudden idea.

"Wait, have you met Tara yet?"

Busted. "I think Anya mentioned her. Your girlfriend, right?"

Her bright red face answered that question nicely. "Well, yes. New girlfriend smell and everything but yeah, she's my girlfriend. That doesn't bother you, does it?"

Xander blinked a few times, unable to come up with anything more interesting to do while mentally grasping for words. "Of course not, why would it?"

"Well, girls dating girls. Not that common outside of college campuses, right?"

He rolled his eyes at his best friend, wondering if she was always this insecure around people that weren't part of their gang. "Way more common that you think. Want a little secret? I've had a few girlfriends. Well, like one girlfriend and some demons who were lady like. At least before trying to eat me." His face turned bright red as he realized the accidental innuendo. "Of the literally chewing up and swallowing the meaty bits kind."

Willow laughed, a relieved laugh. "Oh, well that's a comfort. So you're bi?"

He paused in deep thought. "I think so. I mean, there is this guy I like right now. Or mostly like until he opens his mouth. No, even then he's kind of…charming. Sometimes."

Willow tilted her head in that patented I'll-discover-your-secrets way. "Occasionally charming? Well I suppose he's also handsome."

"Painfully so. And he knows it, that bastard."

"And with a weird sense of humor I bet."

Xander nodded so fast his head almost snapped off. "It's ridiculous. He's ridiculous. And all snarky."

"But gotta love that British accent."

"Yeah, I know." He sighed in a dreamy way before feeling a cold dread settle over him. "Oh shit."

"Oh shit, indeed. You like Spike!"

"Yes, say it louder." Xander hissed, eyes darting towards Anya who was lazily flipping through a magazine as though she didn't have a care in the world. And considering the store was almost completely empty she really didn't have much to worry about. Except maybe eavesdropping on her ex talking about his new vampire crush.

Willow had the decency to talk a little quieter, though not without a sly grin on her face. "I knew it. He's been all Lexi this and Lexi that. Are you two going to date?"

Had his Willow always been this interested in her friends' love lives. Oh, she'd been over the moon when Buffy started to show interest in Captain Cardboard Riley Finn but no such attention was given to Xander and Anya's budding romance. Or when he'd dated Cordelia for that matter.

Well, she'd shown enough interest to see if he was possessed. Again.

"I…I'm a little weird about the whole guy thing, I think." And he totally was, even if he wasn't allowing himself to think about it. "I've mostly only dated women before. And besides, he's only just met me. I can be really annoying when someone gets to know me."

"Well, isn't that what dating is all about. Getting to know someone, with the occasional smoochies."

Xander ducked his head.

"You got smoochies!" She accused.

"Like one smoochie." Xander hissed, waving a hand to try and make her shut up. Anya glanced at them for a minute before rolling her eyes and returning all attention to her magazine. "I just…I really don't think he'll like me once he learns more about me."

"No way to know until you try. Besides, you're willing to take a risk on a guy, especially when you're not use to dating men. He can take a chance on you."

Xander wrinkled his nose in a move he knew was an exact copy of Willow. "You're pretty hyped about hooking me up with your resident vampire."

She shrugged sheepishly. "I think he needs some cheering up. And you do make him cheery."

It wasn't long before their conversation turned to things besides vampires, with subjects ranging from classes and work and magic. As their talk went on Xander realized how hesitant Willow was to talk about her girlfriend and he realized it had been like that before he became a woman. Making a mental vow to welcome Tara into the group more, after getting his male bits back, Xander allowed the easy chatter to lull him into a relaxed state.

The hours passed with brief interludes into the conversation to help a customer or get a snack or help Anya move stuff in the backroom. It was almost like he was back, like he was still his normal male self wandering around and doing odd chores on his day off. And it was so relaxing he didn't have time to panic about the fact that he'd pretty much agreed to give dating Spike a try.

At least he forgot to panic until the door opened about fifteen minutes after sunset, admitting a very handsome and very pleased looking vampire.

'Shit,' Xander thought, peering at him from the doorway to the backroom, 'I totally want to fuck a dude.'


End file.
